1 month ago
// FEAR //
I've definitely touched on this before. But I wanted to share with you my thoughts on parenting with fear once more. (Poet and I didn't know it.)
Fear keeps our children safe. We are alert to danger for a reason.
An example of fear within parenting is when our children cry - we often experience a flight or fight response. Basically, this is to keep your child alive. They cry because they have a need (irrespective of whether you think it's a valid one - it always is) and you fulfill it - fuelled by your flight and fight. And this can be overwhelming when your child cries frequently (I've been there). If you know this already, you can honour this. And then this experience does not have to be so daunting.
If you think about fear, I can probably bet some of this stems from crying, sleep or behaviour.
What if my child doesn't go to sleep right now and I don't get as much sleep as I want? What if my child cries at the library/all night long with caravans next door/in the car? What if my child doesn't meet my (perhaps unrealistic) expectations in terms of their behaviour?
Fear fuels the sleep training industry. Fear fuels physical and harsh verbal punishment. Fear fuels the prevalence of postnatal depression. Every single time I've yelled or expressed anger, it's often due to a fear of little control. Fear is a response. And often, it's just not needed.
Fear could have stopped me from taking my young daughter to an awards ceremony the other night. I nearly didn't go.
Fear could have overwhelmed me as I paced the caravan park with my sick daughter at 1am.
But I don't need to fear my child. And I can support myself:
"Thank you flight or fight - but I've so got this. My child and I are a team and we will figure this out together. I have the skills, the patience and the connection to seek resolution - if it's even needed - and sit with these feelings until that solution occurs. There is no rush."
FEEL WITH FREEDOM. FEEL WITHOUT FEAR. PARENT WITHOUT FEAR. LOVE WITHOUT FEAR.
Just a bit of comfort for you, mama. Feel your fear and do it anyway. You got this. 🖤