Here is the second part to the atonement process while reviving relationship trust.
The ‘why’ is the number one issue for most betrayed partners. Without an explanation as to why this happened, the betrayed partner cannot trust that it won’t happen again. They need to know that their partner understands why they chose to make the decision they did. Most often the betraying partner will not inherently know their ‘why’. This is because they haven’t taken the time to reflect deeply about what was happening for them, what boundaries they allowed themselves to cross along the way, and what lies they are/ were telling themselves.
The why is not the time to blame or shame the betrayed partner, but rather for the betraying partner to reflect deeply, take accountability and understand what brought them to make the choice to betray their partner’s trust. There is a 24-step cascade towards breaching trust that most betraying partners follow before finally giving themselves permission to breach trust (I will post about that soon).
Of course, an important element of rebuilding trust is for the betraying partner to share why they want to continue in the relationship. It is just as viable of an option for them, or the betrayed partner, to decide to leave the relationship.
There cannot be any room for future error. The betrayed partner needs to know that they have permission to say goodbye if this happens again. This is a limit, not an ultimatum and it creates stability in an unstable time.
Finally, the betrayed partner may choose to move towards forgiveness (I will post about this too later). - 1 hour ago