I can hear the clock ticking from the nearby shelf. All the doors and windows are closed, and yet, the ancestral songs of crickets find their way to my ears in a volume that makes the walls of this house feel like a sweet joke.
A cursor blinks on the screen, teasing me as it
I have nothing to say and so much to say.
There’s no poetry here right now but that thing is knocking on the door that leads from the inside of my chest cavity out into the world.
Like when your neighbor down the block used to come to your door and ask if you could play. Light but insistent.
Can I say a few things I’m thinking and feeling tonight?
Even if they don’t read like a seed that flowers and fruits is going to grow from every letter?
Even if I don’t know where these words are taking us?
Imagining you said “Yeah, babe. Let’s hear it.”
I miss someone I cannot speak to right now because we all get to choose our own boundaries and I’m learning that I can keep my heart open wide enough to feel that they were here once and not shut down.
In therapy today, I realized that there are places in my consciousness where I don’t have any real memory attached and that made me uncomfortable.
There’s a family member I should have called weeks ago and I haven’t.
I experience periods of self-doubt that I don’t want to admit to but that make me viscerally aware of how human I am.
I don’t think Kanye West is a bad dude.
This photo makes me feel so happy and so beautiful - as did having it taken, and there’s honestly just no way around it being a thirst trap and like…whatever. Let’s just do that whole “spade’s a spade” thing.
I am still learning how to remain my full self around my parents.
I grieve that Little Stef didn’t get to learn that her body was a gift just for her, and that no one knew how to talk to her about it without making it something that needed to be concealed and hidden because it looked so grown so early.
I just had a really deep breath and it felt so good in my belly and chest.
Pause here and have a breath - if you want.
(and then tap the comments to keep reading bc I just cannot do 2200 characters, fam) - 2 hours ago