Dear friends and family: I haven't been asking for help like this for long.
But tonight, I feel so hurt that I have to allow myself to be vulnerable and try to trust and accept help from others:
I need to talk to someone who can truly listen deeply with heart.
I know posting on social media isn't the best way to find a remedy. But I can't think of anyone to turn to at moments like this, as I've been so used to doing it all alone.
I'm a woman with a heart that can break. I needs care, love and kindness.
No matter how hard I tried to stay strong, I can be weaker than I thought.
I wonder if Mother Nature ever feels this way.
Must I always lick my wounds alone?
Can someone else protect me too?
I'm tired of being always that strong, independent, tough single mom.
I cant be always providing care for others and get treated like shit.
I've been in a very difficult period the last month.
And tonight, after receiving an insulting, hurtful and disturbing rext message from my ex husband, I collapsed.
I screamed and cried until I lost all my energy at midnight in this hotel room, while feeling worried that guests might complain about my loud and emotional crying.
With all my energy, time, money, kindness, patience...I have done all that I can for the wellbeing of my child, for my ex husband and his family, even tho he has done unforgivable things to me so many times since the beginning--which I dont even want to mention.
Being separated from him for the last 3 years doesn't seem to stop his emotional abuse and violence to me.
In uncontrollable tears, I kept asking myself: What have I done? Why all my hard work in supporting others and action out of kindness get this in return? What should I do? Who can I ask help from?
When others hurt me, I usually try to digest it all myself. As being angry or talking about it with others hurt myself more than others.
But now I decided to share my pain. It takes lots of courage for me.
If Im not alone in my struggle, I wish my sharing and expression can be helpful for others in similar cases.
Thank you for being kind to me. - 40 minutes ago