In today’s episode of do as I say, not as I do:
I’m over here like “I ran a marathon three years ago, why start small?!” Who cares that I underwent surgery, menopause, deep depression, avoidance of all forms of physical exercise, broke a toe two months ago, and have basically hobbled around in sandals for the last 8+ weeks? Clearly not me Run for 20 minutes? Bitch, please. I can do at least 4 miles. 🙄
Fuck. Who let me make decisions for myself?? Marathon-me (you know, 3+ years ago) never brought water unless it was 5+ mile run. I am NOT, I repeat, I AM NOT in marathon-me shape. This was a terrible idea regardless of how much I hate carrying things when I run. Mama needs agua 🤪
My pace? I would NEVER have shared it. Why? In my mind, I should be stronger, better, faster. I don’t take breaks. Any break in my pace was due to a cute dog on trail I had to pet — obviously. (Actually, shoutout to Leah, she was completely adorable and I’m going to steal her because I need another dog like a hole in the head.) P.s. I mentioned that pesky broken toe, right? I may not be in that stupid blue boot anymore, but it is PIIIIISSSSED at me. 🤷🏻♀️ Podiatrists, I'm sorry for the pain and suffering I've caused you.
But guess what? Regardless of all the crazy, I went for a run! And I didn’t die! I'm doing my best to manage my expectations and accept that this is all about current-me and what I can accomplish for me NOW.
I went through a physical, emotional, and mental rollercoaster and I am having to remind myself that it’s okay to start over because starting over is far better than giving up, and I refuse to give up.
Now, on to the silver lining, I did actually manage 4+ miles - and whilenthose miles included walking, dog-petting breaks, and a cool down, they also included some *amazing* running highs.
I’m taking it a day at a time, listening to my body, accepting where I am now, and being happy in this moment for my ”disaster” of a run today. - 34 minutes ago