The heading on my list says it all really I enjoy a good list but this list right here has me filled with fear! Never have I ever been so unorganized gifts wise so I am anxious to say the least!
So many planned shop trips have been not possible due to killer level pain days. Today was 1 of those days where I wasn't physically able to go to work, never mind the additional essential shopping planned for after work I swear these past weeks, there have been set back after set back. They are affecting my work performance which is devastating as I only ever want to perform my role at the highest standard possible. I'm also constantly letting down my manager and our team which is the last thing I ever want to do. But somehow, I will get better in all relating to work and in 2019, I will be the bestest staff ever!
So with work out for me today, so was the shopping. So here I am making a million lists to try do too much tomorrow. And sad reality is, I will likely still have killer pain tomorrow and will be that morning battle of can I push it or not.
What completely floored and shook me today was my period, the ever dreaded endometriosis period arriving relatively on time and also bringing with it the worst period pains I have ever had to survive and a never ending flow/overflow that meant 30 min changes of STs leaving me drained and shook in a way I have never experienced before. I'm now left with a hell of a lot of soaked through laundry and I look like the grey lady. And it isn't over yet but it needs to be over to get me through tomorrow. Man endo periods suck.
Those dark thoughts that run through your mind when having a day where the pain levels have you trying not to die nor a breakdown (which more or less did happen) - those dark thoughts are terrifying and you even fear for your life.
And that is the severity of the pain, the severity where you would jump of a bridge just to be free from the pain and to finally feel peace. I have to believe though that next year, I will make leaps towards a hope that I will have real peace
it WILL get better. I have to believe that with all my heart, I know I'm starting to believe it too 🖤 - 28 days ago