This is my journal my sweet hubby and kids gave me for my birthday several years ago. It is so pretty but has remained mostly empty until the beginning of last summer. Out of one the most devastating and desperate times of my life I began writing out scriptures that were life and breath to me at the time. I think I wrote out @grahamcookebbh ’s “Clothed in His Presence” from YouTube word for word to pour over it every day.
I used to journal a long time ago, but never consistently. In the midst of this health crisis that began spiraling out of control beginning February 2015, I didn’t want to document any of the pain and suffering and trauma I experienced. Honestly, I wanted God to bless me with amnesia to forget it all.
No way did I want to spend any more energy or focus on this pain that had already stolen so much from me. Besides, my brain was so compromised I couldn’t put two thoughts together coherently much less process the trauma that was happening and put it into words.
This week I’ve been listening to @bethmoorelpm ’s 4-part series on YouTube called “Memorial in the Middle.” It’s been on repeat every day. And every day I sob through it. It’s so good. And it is exactly where I am in this journey. Smack in the middle.
I know it’s time to start building a Memorial right in the middle of this healing crisis. In this middle space, I long desperately to be on the other side, but am also convicted to finally start documenting this place I would never have chosen for myself, but am convinced that God is using to grow a heart full of passion.
Pain to passion. Sounds like only God’s economy. Beauty for ashes. Gladness for mourning. Devastation for dancing. If you haven’t heard this teaching series yet, go find it on YouTube and listen. Joshua 4 will take on a whole new meaning.
Do you journal? How do you memorialize the good, bad, hard, ugly and beautiful in your life? - 5 hours ago