Spring of senior year .
I remember calling my mom and saying I haven’t eaten in almost a week, I need help.I was crying, stressed out(that my secret was out), mad because I couldn't just fix this on my own, and I was scared. I was 18 but had been suffering in silence with this warped body image since I was 10(I can pinpoint the moment it began. I'll share that another time). Scared because I didn’t want to die but I knew consequences of starving myself were going to lead me down that road
I knew once I told my mom, I would have to seek treatment. There would be no turing back. And so it began the awkward counseling sessions, the therapist I didn’t like, the conversations that I didn’t feel helped me, leaving the appointment more mad and upset than I began. Frustrated like nobody got it.I eventually quit going because I didn’t think what she was saying was helping and was teaching me stuff from the 4th grade not to mention it was so expensive. I felt bad that my mom was going to have to pay for this and knew it was something I wouldn’t be able to keep up. So I stopped. The next several years(almost 10) I tried multiple different fad diets, pills, instead of starving myself now I would binge eat, would drink too much alcohol, and would try to out exercise my nutrition. I would yo yo like crazy. It worked.. for a short time but I wanted off the damn hamster wheel of feeling food had control over me all the time. On the inside I was at constant battle with myself.
This last year was a HARD year for me physically, to the point I was letting the old me try to take back over. But I said no way. Mentally and spiritually I grew SOOO much, realizing that physical setbacks will happen but it is your mindset and strength through God that determines your comeback! I feel 2017 and the beginning of 2018 was a season that happened on purpose for a purpose--->to help me grow in many ways and learn how to better serve you!
There is something new that I wanna share with you that I wish I had 15 years ago! I know will help you and give you tools to overcome. Maybe you struggle with some of the above or maybe you just want to learn to live healthy without deprivation. - 1 year ago