This time last year I was transferred from birth center to labour ward when my cervix couldn’t open further than 7cm. I was exhausted, devastated and worried. It had been several hours since my water broke and I had been in labour for roughly 24 hours. Without the water protecting her, I was extremely concerned how Olivia was coping.
Apparently she was doing more than fine. Doctor and midwife were very happy that her heartbeat remained steady and fast. She was patiently waiting for the perfect time that she could say hello to the world. She was patient with me, with the whole labour that I had been through.
Was I patient with her enough throughout the first year of her life?
As much as I love her to the moon and back, I have lost it so many times. It is hard for a perfectionist like me to have things not under control. And you know it, having baby means having your world upside down.
There are so many times I doubt myself being able to do this. There are times I thought I failed, miserably. There are times I shed a tear, or many streams of tears.
There are times I wanted to give up.
Olivia though, has never given up on me.
She is not the type who likes cuddles and kisses, and yes it means when she was unsettled cradling her sometimes didn’t help. But she has been an angel in many ways that I unintentionally took it for granted: her ability to sleep through the night at the early months, her contentment of playing on her own for really long time without needing me by her side, her enthusiasm with milk and solid food (touch wood million times) and many more. She has been a super pleasant baby! What else did I want?
Everyday having her teaches me how to become a better person, what I’m good at and what I need to improve on. Having her tested all my limits but also put me on top of the world every time she smiles. She is truly the reflection of myself on the journey we shared, together.
This journey ahead is long and no one says it’s gonna be easy. All I wish for her on her first birthday is to be healthy, happy and kind. Many years later looking back, she will always be my baby.
Happy birthday angel pants!
Daddy and I love you in a thousand years and more - 1 minute ago