Over the years Tracey has gained two stones and has been blaming bread, wine and little Jonny, her 2nd child who’s “a bit of a shit”. Long-story-short Tracey has got a bit depressed with her £65 jeans not fitting and having to buy a new work uniform. The yearly pilgrimage to Tenerife awaits so its time to crash diet. Tracey swaps white bread for brown because of an article in Cosmopolitan magazine. She swaps her lunchtime KitKat Chunky for a “healthier” raw cacao superfood slice that apparently possesses the ability to produce rainbows and unicorns. She stops eating at 8pm because Leanne at work says so. The juicer has come out and mornings consist of sticking kale, lemongrass and the leaves off her conifer bushes in a drink which totals about 3.7 calories. By 10am Tracey isn’t worth knowing, she’s ravenous and nails 3 ginger biscuits with her morning coffee. By Friday Tracey has reached the stage which is now known as “fuck it” and guzzles a Domino’s and a Tub of Ben&Jerry’s Phish Food. Tracey still can’t fit into the £65 jeans, Tenerife is a week closer and she gives up, blames it all on having a slow metabolism and little Jonny, who’s still a little shit. Tracey had been reading my emails but decided it “wouldn’t work for her”. *This method doesn’t work. Stop doing it.
**Tracey is hypothetical. Please don’t unfollow if you’re called Tracey. - 32 minutes ago