#12 , for some reason, has been really hard for me. I've already cried like 3 times today. Maybe it's because he is starting to look like a teenager. Or maybe it's because he told me this morning he wants to get a job so he can start saving for a car. Either way, my baby is growing up and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
About this time, on April 18, 2007, I had been through a pretty traumatic 4 days of labor. I was tired and in pain and scared. When the doc told me Hayden was in distress and that I'd be having a c-section, I felt fear I had never known. Not for myself, but for the precious boy that God was entrusting me with. Then, in walked my family preacher, Phil Gambill. God's timing is perfect people! He prayed with Kevin and I and our families, and peace came over me. No matter what happened from that point on, Hayden was in God's hands, and there was no safer place for him to be.
I kinda feel like that today. I can't slow time, I can't stop him from growing older and being independent and dreaming big dreams that will oneday carry him away from us. That's who we've tried to raise him to be. But he loves Jesus and he loves people, so I know he will be just fine. It hurts my heart, but this was never about me. This kid of mine is a light and he will be used to glorify his Savior.
Hayden James, I may annoy the mess out of you with my picture taking, and teasing and 20-second therapeutic hugs, but I love you more than life itself. And being your mommy is one of the 4 best things I have done or will ever do. You are a gift and I am so proud of who you are! Happy Birthday, My Sweet Angel Face! - 1 hour ago