Today's quote is an important one to me.
I grew up without any of the core foundations that a child needs (or deserves) in order to properly flourish.
I did not have parents that loved each other and only one that truly loved me.
My childhood wasn't one at all.
There was so much trauma from their split at 3 yrs old, my mother abandoning me for 3 years for another man at 5 yrs old, being yoyo'd between parents until the age of 9 when I was then dragged away from my Dad and didn't see him again for 12 years. (I was 21 next I saw him).
I was taken further from my Dad each time he tried to reach me, across 3 countries.
In that time in between, and well beyond, I was subject to so much abuse in varying forms from either my mother herself or her string of male partners, one of which became her husband for a time.
The things I not only witnessed but endured personally as a young girl I can not explain in enough words, it caused me more damage than I understood at the time.
My mother never encouraged me to be anything or to achieve anything, not even simple things like a home or car, career etc.
And no matter what I did, it was never enough, she wanted me to be what she wanted, not what I wanted.
I was not supported in any way, my mother only ever did things for me in ways that would allow her to "own" me.
I didn't have a family life of happiness and great times and love.
I had one of fear and uncertainty and insurmountable emotional battery.
But I got so much from my life!
I have turned the pain into positives!!
Everything I am today, I had to learn entirely on my own without any family guides.
And through tragedy, inexplicable trauma and countless instances of abuse and subsequent disorders, I stand here today, a survivor.
And I am a fucking GODDESS!!
I give to myself every day the love I never had when I needed it growing up.
And I give the same to my children so they never have to know the struggle or the parental self doubt that I did.
I am the love I never received. - 5 hours ago