When i was in the depths of my eating disorder, i spent all of my time trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because i didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much, or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be valued, and listened to. I wanted to be wanted. So during that time, i sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy.
But one day, i decided i’m tired of struggling, and i’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who i am in order to become somebody else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I decided i was going to voice my opinion, and be myself, and i didn’t care what others thought of me. Yet, as i recovered from my eating disorder, i grew. I grew as a human being. I became much more aware of my strengths and weaknesses, my own needs, and desires, and concerns, as well as those for others. And that’s really the best part of recovery. Getting to be the silly boy with whom someone can laugh with, and confide a painful struggle. I have developed such an unconditional love for others that it’s teaching me to accept and forgive my own flaws in the process. The knowledge that i’ve been able to pull myself out of such an ordeal, and throw myself back into life at full speed has taught me all i will ever need to know about myself.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but i know i can learn from it, grow from it, and still find light and laughter in even the darkest of circumstances. - 9 hours ago