Sometimes I cry for you, little one.
Sometimes I cry because the world is so big and you’re so small, and I worry about your smallness in this big world.
Sometimes I cry because you’re so big and I’m so small, and the bigger you get to me, the smaller I get to you, and I worry—Lord, how I worry—about my smallness in your big world.
Sometimes I cry because this love is too big and my heart is too small, and a bursting heart feels—strangely, painfully—an awful lot like a breaking one.
Sometimes I cry because I’m overwhelmed by the beauty of you
Sometimes I cry because in the process of gaining you, I gave up a version of me, and though I wouldn’t change that even if I could, sometimes I miss me desperately.
Sometimes I cry because your skin is so soft, and your eyes are so bright, and your soul is so new, and your heart is so open, and I’m sad. I’m sad that your innocence will crumble from experiences brutal and necessary, because you are as painfully human as the rest of us.
Sometimes I cry because you need help in ways that I can’t help you, and helplessness as a parent feels—strangely, surprisingly—an awful lot like sheer terror
Sometimes I cry because I hear God in your giggles.
Sometimes I cry because your very existence evokes a joy so profound that smiles and laughter can’t quite reach it.
Sometimes I cry because this blessing is so big and my cup is so small and the overflow has to go somewhere.
So sometimes I cry for you. And for me. And for this big world. And for a thousand other terrible, wonderful, desperate, beautiful reasons that you won’t understand until you’re a parent.
#CJU #JRV #mybabies - 22 days ago