Today I thought I would be announcing to my wider community that I am 12 weeks pregnant with our third child, but instead a week ago we experienced a miscarriage.
This past week has been a huge reflective time and one spent mostly at home with my family to heal and grieve.
The news of this pregnancy came in the thick of settlement for the sale of a business Tim & I founded together 8 years ago. During these years of growing our business we also created two happy & healthy boys and a very full and exciting life together.
It wasn’t until experiencing the loss of this pregnancy and the pain and sadness that it brought up for me that I took the needed time to really reflect on how far I have evolved as a human, especially in the last few years.
Before this loss I can honestly say for a long time I felt at peace and content in almost all moments.
I did some big work to get here of course and I’m making positive choices everyday to remain here.
I know what the other side feels like and I’m determined and motivated enough to make the choices needed to ‘find the fun’ in all life’s moments, and I’m making this my mission.
I was born both a serious and sensitive soul. If you’ve heard of an ‘empath’ this label helps to explain many of my traits.
I’ve always been described as ‘determined’, a ‘go getter’ & ‘ambitious’ but what I feel doesn’t show from my seemingly calm and confident exterior is that I’ve always lacked confidence in myself, felt like I don’t fit in, and I have felt I constantly need others approval to feel safe.
I’ve spent my entire life trying to ‘please’ those around me to feel loved.
Letting go of preconditioned and habitual behaviour is a process that for me took (and I’m still undergoing) many years.
I can pinpoint quite a few really dark moments of depression in my life but a massive downward spiral for me happened when I became a mother and I hit total rock bottom and suffered with severe post natal depression after the birth of my second son. The pressure I placed on myself as a mother, business owner and every other role I play was immense and looking back I see now that I didn’t know how to love and look after myself. Cont in comments... - 54 minutes ago