This was kind of a breakdown day for me today. I woke up "middle-of-the-lane" emotionally so-to-speak, where I felt like things weren't right, but I couldn't necessarily feel anything.. I guess? Then as the day progressed I just turned irritable & triggered for what seemed like no damn reason.....until it began to sink in what the deal was.
I suppose I'm feeling despair. You see, a few days ago I received yet another diagnosis after I had a procedure done almost 2 weeks ago. They told me I now have chronic gastritis, which answered the question about my stomach issues. But, left me in this place of bitterness once again towards my body. It left me in frustration with feelings of, "this isn't fair". But as they say, life is always anything but fair.
Then probably days ago I had someone DM me & say, "You're always sick, why are you always so sick? That's sad". At first it honestly made me feel worse, like I know I'm already struggling & here is someone coming along to give me further reminder that my body is broken. But you know what? Even with as bad, broken, frustrated, & unfair as I've felt my body is/has been to me, I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. Even I won't always feel this way, I'm working on it. Anyway, when I share & you read my posts, I want my feelings & experiences to be 2 things. I want them to be awareness for those like me who suffer with silent illness' & mental illness' that you can't always see or that "looks" atypical; for another, I want them to be lessons to be gentle on those around you, because you never know what a person is really battling with & in this unforgiving cruel world, sometimes all we need is a little understanding & empathy. Just be kind to each other, especially to those who may be struggling.
#me #myfeelings #venting #frustrated #butillbeok #eventually #queserasera #whateverwillbewillbe #longpost #chronicillness #invisibleillnessawareness #spoonie #spooniesofinstagram #spooniestrong #invisibleillness #newdiagnosis #chronicgastritis #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #bipolar #bipolardisorderawareness #workingonmyself #bekindalways #bekindtoyourself #positivelessons - 3 hours ago