My Obsession With Food: An Anorexia Survival Story. Part 2
By winter of that year I began realizing I had a problem. I knew it wasn’t normal that I was weighing myself twice a day, that I was spending countless hours online researching nutritional information of food that I wasn’t even eating, or that I was constantly focusing on how I could avoid my next meal. Food and my weight were my obsession. Anorexia had 100% control over my life. But despite realizing I had a problem, I did not want to get help. I was convinced that my life was still better than in previous years. I felt as though I had more power and control over my life than ever before. Despite this, my relationships with my peers and my family began to suffer tremendously. Avoiding food meant avoiding my friends, and naturally most sixteen-year old girls are unsure how to best confront a person struggling with an eating disorder.
My parents also did not know how to react to my refusal to eat dinner and my thinning figure. I was mean, bitter, cold, and stubborn, completely infuriated that anyone would try to interfere with the “control” I had over my life.
Fast forward to graduating, I was down even more weight, sicker, and more addicted to my eating disorder than I had been all throughout high school. Anxiously, I awaited college, where I could live on my own, away from my parents, and away from everyone at home who knew that I had a problem. I remember being so excited to finally be somewhere where I could “get away” with being anorexic; Until I got tired. I had been suffering the physical symptoms of an eating disorder for almost four years—thinning hair, absence of period, perpetually cold, weak muscles and bones, etc, but I finally started to realize that my eating disorder was not “helping me”. For so long, my eating disorder served as my comfort zone. I thought it was helping me carry on. The exhilaration and control I had felt for so long was dwindling, and I finally realized that my eating disorder had control over me. I was isolated, socially anxious, trapped, and depressed, so I with the support of amazing friends I decided to get help.
Third part on the next post
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