When I imagined what my life would be like when I turned 30, I pictured and really hoped for would have been a house of my own that I had created a home in for my family, little children learning to talk and walk, pottering around with me in a garden that I would spend a lot of time in making beautiful with a vegetable garden and ckucking chickens, a job (preferably a little shop) which would provide me with an income so that I could feel independent, to be married and feel secure in my life. To be having dinner parties and family adventures, seeing friends and spending time with family, basically LIVING. What I DIDN'T picture would be that the week before turning 30 I'd be sitting in my mothers car after a therapy session, waiting for her to do her shopping, pain gnawing at my stomach because it's too empty but being too scared to eat the banana I had brought with me because of the fear of how unwell I feel after eating sometimes, and the dread of the anxiety attack that comes with it. I didnt expect I would be being picked up by my mother every morning and having to spend every day following her around, taking up her time, or sitting in her kitchen for hours, because I'm too scared to be alone. I didnt imagine I would be too afraid to see my closest friends, too terrifying to go further than half an hour from my home. I am SO thankful for what I have though, I may not have the children or the home, but I do have the most amazing boyfriend who makes me feel safe and wanted and loved, who I am excited to go into my 31st year with and wish beyond anything that I can make a happy, anxiety-free life with in the future. I'm so grateful for my family, my sisters and brother, who look after me so well, and my parents who are doing so much for me at the moment. Im so happy to have my two mad, funny, gorgeous dogs. I just really really hope that I can get over these health and mental health issues so that I can start to enjoy life with them all.
#anxiety #anxietynausea #gastritis #depression #mentalhealth #mentalhealthblogger #anxietyblog #anxietyblogger #inflammation #IBS #health #heal #recover #sadness #happiness - 2 hours ago